The Saga of the Really Weird Days
by Onirei Kirara
Summary: What starts off as a normal trip to Riku's house to play a DVD ends in a grounding, being left out of a trip, and worst of all....KILLER SMOOTHIES. Chapter Three: Tidus gets stuck in his fish suit!
1. The First Really Weird Day

**Onirei: Note of warning: This story makes NO SENSE.If there seem to be pieces/parts missing, use your imagination.And it takes place before the game. (nods)**

**Riku: Hi.**

**Onirei: HEY! GET BACK IN YOUR KENNEL!**

**Riku: But I have to do the disclaimer.**

**Onirei: Oh. Disclaim away.**

**Riku: She doesn't own Kingdom Hearts. Or me.**

**Onirei: (glare)**

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"This blinding passion! I've never felt it before in my entire fourteen years of existence!"

"Sora, what are you doing as my house?" Riku asked.

"My crap-tastic DVD player won't play subtitles!" Sora replied, clutching his copy of Advent Children.

Riku snatched it. "Where'd you get that?"

"Import," Sora grinned.

"Uh—Sora?"

"Yes?"

"Did it ever occur to you that, A—this is a Japanese DVD and thus would not have English subtitles, and B—the Japanese use a different sort of DVD player then us?"

Sora's face fell.

-----

Half an hour later Riku's mother walked into her living room to find Riku passed out on the floor, half of her couch chewed to bits, and Sora moping and sucking his thumb in the corner.

Riku sat up groggily. His mother was pointing to the couch and trying to form words, but nothing was coming out.

"Ah..Sora got a little upset."

-----

The next day Riku, Kairi, Selphie, Tidus and Wakka were eating lunch in the shack.

"I heard Sora got grounded." Selphie said.

"Yup," Riku answered. "He ate half of my couch. I feel partially responsible because I couldn't pull him off it."

"Don't blame yourself Riku," Kairi said, taking a bite of her sandwich. "You know it's impossible to remove Sora from something once he's got his mouth fixated on it."

Wakka still look slightly shocked. "He _ate_ a couch, ya?"

"Well..more like he chewed it up and spat it out." Riku answered.

"Ew," both Kairi and Selphie said.

"Disgusting," Tidus muttered.

Selphie raised an eyebrow. "This coming from the guy who soaked a banana in seawater and then ate it, peel and all."

-----

"PLLEEEAASE, Mom?"

"No."

"PLEEEEASE?"

"NO! Sora, we've been over this a hundred times. Chewing up other people's upholsteries counts for AT LEAST a three-day grounding!"

Sora bounced up and down. "But tomorrow everyone's taking the ferry to the mainland to check out the new smoothie place!"

"You don't _like_ smoothies, Sora."

"Yes I do!"

"Oh really?" She glared at him. "Then how come you never drink _mine?_"

Sora refrained from telling her it was because there were fist-sized pieces of fruit floating around that got stuck in his straw and made him gag. "Um..I do.." he offered pathetically.

-----

Everyone (except Sora) met up at the dock at six AM the next day. They took the ferry to the new smoothie shop and had a fun day, except for when Kairi and Selphie had to beat off some girls with sticks. (They were oozing all over Riku.)

On the way home, the three guys were leaning up against the boat railing while Kairi and Selphie talked. And talked.

Riku narrowed his eyes. "Don't girls ever shut up?"

"No, ya." Wakka replied.

"STOP SAYING 'YA!" Riku screamed.

Tidus glanced around, bored. Riku throttling Wakka wasn't exactly new to him. He leaned back and yawned. Wait—oops.

"OH MY GOD!" Kairi screamed. "TIDUS FELL OFF THE BOAT!"

-----

"EEEEK!" First Mate Aerith screamed. "Captain Cloud, MAN OVERBOARD!"

Cloud, being the good captain he is, dove off immediately. Unfortunately, he dove off the wrong side.

"Ugh," Aeris muttered. "Vincent, stop the boat!" she yelled.

-----

Vincent stopped pedaling. "Thank God," he panted. "Oh yes Vincent, we'll have the boat engine repaired soon! Stupid Cloud, he just wants to save on GAS MONEY!"

-----

The boat docked on Destiny Islands a short time later. Riku, Wakka, and Tidus walked onto the pier.

"Uh, where are the girls, ya?" Wakka asked as Tidus continued wringing out his shirt.

Riku jerked a thumb towards the boat. "Oozing all over the captain."

Tidus shuddered. "I can't _believe _he gave me mouth-to-mouth!"

Wakka patted him on the back. "Good thing you were unconscious then, ya?"

Riku twitched.

-----

Sora's mom knocked on her son's door. Receiving no answer, she walked in to find him chewing on his pillow in the corner.

"Sora…" she started, the ripped the pillow out of his mouth and thwacked him with it. "Stop acting like a teenage girl!"

Sora blew raspberries at her.

"Here," she said. "I made you a smoothie."

He looked down at the—drink. Two whole blueberries rose to the surface and stared back at him.

"Thanks Mom."

She hit him again. "What's with the sarcasm?"

--

"There was an unfortunate accident at sea today," came a voice from the TV. "A young boy fell off the side of the ferry, and.."

"HEY!" Tidus screeched to the reporter. "You're making it seem like I'm dead!"

"Yeah!" Wakka chimed in. "Tell it like it is, ya?"

"STOP SAYING 'YA', GAWDDAMMIT!" Riku screamed.

In the background, Kairi and Selphie were fawning over Cloud and Aeris was beating them back with a stick.

--

"See mom?" Sora said. "I would have been on TV!"

Said momsighed and exited the room. She had her 'good child' to attend to. Wait—she didn't have a good child. Dammit.

Sora pouted and took a sip of his smoothie, getting a hunk of strawberry for his trouble.

---

The End

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	2. A Really Weird, COLD day

**Eh, okay, I know I said this was going to be a one-shot thingy. But well, it's not. HA!**

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Chapter Two: A Really Weird, Cold Day**

Sora was COLD.

This was an odd thing, to be sure, because he lived on a tropical island.

But it was snowing, and there was nothing he could do about the cold because island homes do not have heating systems. So he put on the set of mittens his Aunt Ruth had given him (one on each hand and one on the nose) and went downstairs to bug his mother.

Sora's motherwas freezing. The reason she had moved from Canada to Destiny Islands was because she DESPISED cold and never wanted to see snow again. Unless it was in a snowcone or a snowglobe or something like that. But anyways, now it was snowing HERE, so it must be the Apocalypse or something.

Then her son walked down the stairs with a mitten on his nose and she knew that everything was normal. Because only Sora would or could wear a mitten on his nose.

"Sora, how are you doing that?"

"Eh?" Sora stared at his mother, wrapped up in all of the blankets they owned. "You mean my mitten?"

"Yes…"

"Um…I'm not really sure." Sora wiggled his nose to see if the mitten would fall off. It didn't.

"Oh, nevermind. Come here and snuggle with your mother. I'm freezing."

"WHAT?" Sora flinched away in disgust. "EW, Mom. No."

Shepouted. "What, my own son wouldn't give his body heat to keep his mother alive?"

Sora wrinkled his nose, and the mitten fell off this time. "You're not dying, Mom." He picked up the mitten and placed it back on his nose.

His momsighed. "Oh well. Just go play with your little friends then and leave me alone to freeze."

Sora felt pangs of guilt.

Sheburied herself deeper in her blankets. "You know, I bet Riku would snuggle with me."

The guilt was gone.

"EEEEEEWWW! MOM, THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Sora shrieked, running out of the front door straight into Riku and Kairi.

"Hey, nice job Sora!" Riku said. "You banged the door open. I couldn't get it..it was frozen shut."

"Sora…" Kairi started. "Why do you have a mitten on your nose?"

"I'm cold!" Sora yelled. "Do you not see the snow coming down?"

"Of course I do!" Kairi huffed. "Why do you think we're dressed so warmly?"

"Oh, yeah I forgot to ask. Kairi, why DO you have warm clothes?" Riku questioned.

"I used to live in Hollow Bastion, remember? It always snows there."

Riku narrowed his eyes. "But you were five then. How do your clothes still fit?"

Kairi ignored this and chose to thwack him instead.

"OW! Hey Kairi, I was just curious! I didn't mean anything by it! You look good even when you're not wearing a swimsuit! OW!"

It was at times like these when Sora wished he still had his megaphone. But his mom had 'accidentally' dropped it in the ocean off of a cliff after five mornings of being woken up with it in her ear.

"HEY!"Sora's momshrieked. "CLOSE THE DOOR! I'M FREEZING IN HERE!"

Sora coughed nervously and went to close the door. "Bye Mom."

Shestuck her tongue out at him.

Once the door was safely closed, Riku decided to bring something up.

"Sora, you and your mom seem a little on edge today. Did you two have a fight?"

Sora flushed.

Kairi poked him. "Sora, why are you all pink?"

"I'm NOT!" Sora squealed in a high-pitched voice.

Riku decided to pointedly ignore this discussion. He had a strange, uncomfortable feeling that it had something to do with him.

The three friends were walking up the hill to the cliff that overlooked the beach when Riku's dad skipped by.

Riku would have made a face like this -- O.O -- if that were possible.

"Wow, your dad really likes his construction job, doesn't he Riku?" Kairi commented.

Riku buried his face in his hands. "No, it's the snow. He was so giddy this morning!"

"Ugh. My mom was the exact opposite. She _hates_ the cold! She wanted me to snuggle with her!"

Kairi raised an eyebrow. "And _that's _what you're so upset about?"

Sora huffed. "Not exactly."

"Then what? Tell me!" Kairi jumped up and down, managing to get snow in everyone's shoes.

"Well.." Sora said in a low voice. "It was more like a comment she made. When she was upset that I wouldn't snuggle with her, she said, 'I bet Riku would snuggle with me.'"

Kairi would have made a face like this --O.O-- if that were possible.

Riku _did _make a face like this -- O.o --.

"Oh—the horror!" Kairi shivered.

Riku fainted.

---

Meanwhile, Tidus was trying to build a snow castle on the beach. However, since snow doesn't stick to sand, he was having quite a time of it carrying snow to the beach fast enough to make a castle before it melted.

Selphie watched him in fascination that someone could be that stupid.

Wakka sighed. "Tidus, give it up, ya?"

---

--The End

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	3. A Really Weird, HOT day

**Random update! This is pretty short, 'cuz most of my KH fics I write when I get short bursts of inspiration.**

**Random disclaimer: Me no owny. **

**KINGDOM HEARTS 2 WOOOT!**

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**Chapter Three: A really weird, hot day.**

It was a fine day on Destiny Island. A gentle breeze was blowing, birds were singing, and Sora—was running around in a giant fish costume with…

No wait—that's Tidus. It's so difficult to tell them apart.

Sooo, let's change that. It was a really HOT day on destiny islands. A baking breeze was blowing, birds were frying, and Sora and his friends were in the tree house trying to escape the heat.

--Minus Tidus and Selphie. Tidus was still running around in his fish costume. Apparently the zipper had gotten stuck or something. Selphie was just laughing her head off and throwing fish food at him.

Sora, Riku, Kairi, and Wakka were laying in various parts of the tree house. Occasionally they would roll over, because, you know, you have to be careful not to stick to someplace permanently.

Riku groaned and peeled himself off the floor. "You know, my mom said something really weird the other day."

"Eh." Sora responded.

"She said that when I was older, I could go to college in the mainland and get a degree in _nursing_."

Kairi sat up abruptly. "I just got a REALLY weird image."

Sora groaned. "Feel free to keep it to yourself. I'm already sick to my stomach."

Kairi laid back down. "Well Riku, you really are good at First-Aid."

Riku twitched.

"I remember the time when you were chasing Sora on the dock and he tripped, and he got about ten splinters on his nose. You held him still the whole time and pulled them all out! Man, bet that hurt."

Sora rubbed his nose.

"Yeah, but I got bruises all over my stomach from Sora's huge feet!" Riku protested. "I should have just let him walk around with logs stuck in his nose."

A fight would have broken out, if it wasn't 8000 degrees.

---

Selphie was rolling around in the sand and laughing insanely hard. It was surprising she hadn't suffered a heat stroke already.

"You mean, self-centered person!" Tidus shrieked, dodging fish food. "I have to go to the bathroom! Just help me with this zipper!"

-- The End

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